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September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006

Monday, January 30, 2006

lost and broken
hopeless and lonely
smiling on the outside
hurt beneath my skin

my eyes are fading
my soul is bleeding
i try to make it seem okay
but my faith is wearing thin

i hate my country.
im glad im not in some third world country or smth
and i love my friends
but i wonder WHY THE HELL did God decide to place me here
i hate the education system
i hate my life
i hate the weather
i hate the concrete
i want out.
out to aus.
london.


some ppl are lucky
they get sent to aus to study, all they have to say is "daddy i want to go australia to study, cause i dont wanna sit for my o's"
off they go.
one by one.
everyone's leaving
causing twice as much pain
to see the ones you love leaving forever,
and leaving to where you want to go so badly
and knowing that some of them are being forced to go

those who want to go cant go until they're so old they might as well die on the way there.

i only wanted a magazine
i only wanted a movie screen
i only wanted a life i'd read about and dreamed

so many have left
some are pending
some are leaving soon
loved ones.
childhood friends
childhood sweethearts.



im going to rant. so if you dont wanna hear me rant. just go somewhere else: ) im fine with it
trying to love all of you is getting so hard id rather not love at all.
just pack me up and send me to australia.
anw.
as much as i hated my family
trying to love them with thoughts of " ill never get back these moments we have" and" this might be the last time four of us will be sitting down for dinner outdoors" isnt working.
you try and you try and you try, but it just turns ard and bite you.
ARGH I HATE THIS.
anw.
i thought i wouldnt have to pretend anymore.
that i could really love you all.
but it just didnt work
all three of you.
blah blah blah.
you can go have your happy little family.
i dont give a shit.
i cant even go out for dinner with my friends.
i know your tone.
dont lie
you dont like her.
wel guess what.
WE DONT LIKE YOU EITHER
and nothing you do will ever make me turn my back on my friends,
i dont care that you dont like them cause they're lesbians, or they're"punky" as you call them.
i dont care that you think they're influencing me to be some shit ass "punk kid" CAUSE THEY'RE NOT, AND BECAUSE I AM NOT SOME EFFING PUNK KID. ASSHOLE.
wearing accessories doesnt make me a PUNK KID. jsut like wearing stilettos doesnt make you a HOOKER. asshsolehoslasldkjflsoaoshooelassholehoassshoeholasohelhohaos.
AFTER MY SEC FOURRRR
I AM GOING TO LEARN THE VIOLIN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
BECAUASE! I WILL NOT LET YOUR BLOOMING OPINION STAND IN THE WAY OF MY DREAMS.
IM NOT DONE RANTING.
BUT IM GONNA STOP RANTING, CAUSE I CAN RANT FOREVER.
SO I SHALL JUST GO BACK TO PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY, SO THAT ALL OUR LIVES WILL BE EASIER.
EVER HEARD OF A SPRING?
HAAHA/ IM A SPRING.
DEAL WITH IT.[
HOPEFULLY YOU'RE INTELLECTUAL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TALKING ABT. AND THT I DO NOT LITERALLY MEAN I AM SOME FUCKING SPRING.

AND ALL THE GAMES I DON'T WANT TO PLAY
posted @ Monday, January 30, 2006
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NEITHER AM I